Second-guessing

It's been over a month since I've last made a business call, a request letter. It has been more than a month of not getting cheques, and I'm almost on the verge of getting broke -- the Caroline Channing kind of broke (if you're watching 2 Broke Girls). It has finally dawned on me that I am out of the corporate world. Suddenly, my most common dilemmas are about changing diapers, stained clothes and what's for breakfast. I am finally getting my lifelong dream of domestication. Am I?

Signing off

Officially, signing off.

Hello, unemployment! We've met again. After eight years of continuous work, I resigned. I do not want to use the word 'quit' because it really isn't synonymous to how I felt at that moment when I left that letter at my superior's office. It was a Friday -- my eight year in the company, to be exact. I'm not sure about the whole drama it took me to write down the words, 'I regret', but honestly, I wasn't regretful. I was uneasy, melancholic. But I was nowhere near uncertain, I was sure. It was after all the longest debate I had with myself -- two years of constant questioning whether it's time to finally fold the leaf and move on; two years of love and hate, of needing and not wanting.

It was indeed a roller coaster. Some say it was too soon, or that it was unexpected and perhaps bordering crazy brave, or whatever. Frankly, I care not. Had they known me and the desires of my heart, they wouldn't have been surprised. But, there's where you learn who cares enough to know you're okay and who's not. What I know now is that although I am now part of a large number of people in my city/state who's unemployed, at least now I can take my time and enjoy it like I've never enjoyed it in the past years. I now can enjoy a carefree holiday, one that need not be spoiled by staff who would not come in as scheduled. I can now read books leisurely and not just as a wise choice to get my mind off the metro traffic and the hassle of commuting. I can now watch movies and not be interrupted by phone calls. I NOW HAVE TIME FOR ME, to be ME again -- the ME I lost when I settled for what's convenient, when I chose to ignore my passion and give my time away for causes that do not seem as important today.

Gone with the old,  in with the new. Moving on will never be easy.  Beginnings will always be tough, but there will always be a calm after the storm. And when the calm finally arrives, I will be ready to start anew.