Multiplying me

I have a lot of personalities, and they are categorised by the roles I play, in summation. Being a woman, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a boss, a writer, a wife and a mom are among the few. Each category (although interconnected) is, at a certain point, quite different from the other.  Of my many roles in life, three of them can best describe my whole existence: my being a daughter, a wife and a mom.

Being a daughter is something I really enjoy. I don't usually get things done my way but I loved how my parents treated me while growing up. See, I was a really diligent kid. I did my part of the bargain. I did good in school and took responsibilities for my actions. But I am no model kid. I used to make bad decisions (like most teens do) because I thought those years were meant for experimenting; for surpassing limits. I was scolded, frowned upon and grounded numerous times. I had to learn things the hard way. I became a stronger, independent woman because my parents taught me how to be one. And I thank them tremendously.

Being a wife is something I am really passionate about. I dreamt of being the perfect partner -- the one we always read about in novels, and sometimes, in fairy tales, too. I always wished to be the domesticated woman who takes care of her husband beyond limits. But I am far from being domesticated. Although I try to be, everyday.

Being a mom is something I look forward to become. I want to be the mom that earns the respect and love of her children. I want to be just a step behind them, not substituting presents for presence. I want to be the one they depend on because I am strong and ever-constant. I want to be the one to teach them the basics; that life rocks, and sucks at the same time. I wish to be their friend, if not their best one.

Among the three, being a mom is where I need to be the best version of myself. It's something I work hard on everyday for fear of failing to be great, let alone be a good one.

So this goes out to X, my first born, and to my children who are yet to be born:
Please know that I will try to be your light at the end of the tunnel. I might not be beside you in every turn, but I'll be at your back to catch you should you fall. I may not perfect the cookery, but there's Dad to fix what's burnt (hehehe) Kidding aside, I wish that you'll always allow me to be a part of your tomorrows. I will never be too far for you to reach because you may let go of my hand, but you will always have my heart with you.  Above all, please know that I will forever be grateful that God brought you to my life and under any circumstance, I will love you beyond the boundaries of space or time.

Why do people love too much?

 Love, these days, is like a generic drug.

We love because we learn that there exists another human being capable of making us feel special, of mincing the differences, of controlling our inner woes, of accepting our flaws.

And then when we find that someone who makes us complete, we offer ourselves in the most unnerving way we would've imagined. in the most incapable way we become vulnerable..

Side note: Saw this comic on my newsfeed. This was probably me some years back. Today, I'm glad to have solved the mystery of love in my life. I've learned that there are far worse hurting things than heartbreaks; and no greater reward than love, commitment and contentment. *wink*

Of hiatuses and junctions

After a year and a half of hiatus, I am writing back words, fragments, sentences... while remembering mental notes of the year that passed and the moments that were left untold -- some kept me calm and a whole lot of which left me breathless.

2013 was one of the best years of my life. For starters, I got married and conceived a baby. And after nine amazing months of carrying a bulging tummy, on a sunny day of February 2014, an angel in the name of Xiel David zigzagged his way into our lives. Hurray to womanhood and parenthood at the same time!

Of course, the journey wasn't a fairytale. I went through a series of bumps: bankruptcy (thanks to my extravagant wedding :)), postpartum (myth confirmed), midlife crisis. I initially thought I was well-prepared for adulthood only to be proven wrong.  I rushed things because it felt right at that time. Nothing really prepares you for a life of responsibility but experience. Now, I know better.

I am now officially saying goodbye to singlehood. No to late night work at the office, to unplanned dinner dates with friends, and to surprise movie dates with hubby. Rather, I say hello to sleepless nights, to midnight feedings and burping, to diaper leaks and baby baths.

So here's the best photo of my family. You all know my husband. He's been the subject of my numerous posts here. So let me introduce you to my son, X. (from hereon, my posts might be all about him, as he is the subject of all my musings these days).