Real-life Nightmare

I just don’t understand; I contradict myself. I hate how this twenty-four-year-old-grown-ass lady can still make unprofessional decisions in life. I cannot believe how I ended up confusing people around me (myself included), and forgetting the gravity of my actions, at times.

I know, twenty-four is just a number, and the number of age in years has nothing to do with me being RESPONSIBLE, PROFESSIONAL and TRUST-WORTHY. But, at a certain point, I think I owe it to myself, to my parents, to my colleagues, my life partner, and friends to be all those.

Now I deem it necessary to deprive myself of all things that make everyday life comfortable, to teach this sometimes-stupid self a lesson; and to eventually be able to admit upfront that “It’s my fault. I’ll own it up.”

Side notes: A wish could really be of help right now. So if you're a genie, please let this be a dream. And if I'm dreaming, could someone please wake me?