AJ - n. friend and sister

I've known her pretty damn well back then. We've shared most of everything we had for a whole year. Bed, pillows, blankets. Laughters, tears, heartaches. Birthdays, Valentine's, and some holidays. Yes, a year of extraordinary friendship, sisterhood and all the stuffs that come in between.

She's one of the craziest and coolest girl I know who didn't mind spending over stationaries and inks just so I could get a note everyday. EVERYDAY. She hardly said a word about that being too demanding of me. Although she didn't have much to say, she kept all the notes coming, just because I love them.

And here are just some of the love she sent my way:

And this is our own alphabet, yes, we're crazy like that.

Sadly, I couldn't read our brilliant little conversation here. This must be amnesia. Tsk.

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She was my bestest, and somewhere in this great big unpredictable world, I lost her. It might sound like an overstatement, but my heart bled for missing, for wanting, for needing - her. Yet, she wasn't there. And I wasn't there for her just the same.

We grew apart. I was devastated. I think we both were.  She never came back. I was dumb enough not to get her back. Not to write her letters, not to visit her in Zambales, not to call her as often as I could, not to do anything that would have eased the pain from a part of me that died, a part that had always been left out, and was left empty for only her to occupy.

When someone dear to me died, I wished for her to be there. I needed her to be there. I couldn't even remember if I called her, or asked her to come to my rescue. Maybe it was my fault, I haven't told her that I felt lost and alone without her.

She got married, and it ached, me not being a part of it. Not long after, she gave birth to a baby girl, and I wasn't at her side either, to offer a congratulations, to share with her joy, to ask her if it had been really difficult, or what it felt like to finally be a mom.

I had my chance to ask her and tell her all those when she asked me to be a godmom, but I dind't have the extra time, nor the resources to pull of a Manila-Zambales stunt. And I regret not having to make a way for that.

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After six years, it still doesn't feel quite right. She was the closest I've come to having a sister, and she still is. And I will build back our bridge now. I'm going to write her letters, call her just because. Maybe we won't have the same commitment to friendship, but I'll love it [friendship] no matter what. And this time, I'm not letting go even if I have to. 'Cause she may not be my best friend anymore, but she's my sister by heart, and I love her like that.

Side note: Would love to put a picture of us together, but there aren't any. Why we haven't had a picture together, I don't know. Those days weren't the time of the digital camera craze. What a waste.