Of insecurities and positive thinking

I love myself. I love how my hair looks like, my round-shaped face, my vertically-challenged height, my immature ways, my mood swings, my outlook, my choices, my family, my friends, my job. I love everything about myself. I've always seen the glass as half-full. I have never been the jealous-insecure type who complains and rants about things that we should foremost accept, and love even.

But, sometimes, no matter how tightly in love you are with yourself, you know that you lack something that they [others] have, and it just pisses you off. How I wish that this issue in my life can be cooled off with a cup of coffee and a honey-glazed doughnut on the side.

Now, more than ever, a part of me feels inferior knowledge-wise, especially when you can't relate to something that you know should be one of your top interests.

You see, the one man I measure everyone against is a professional gamer. What better job is there other than being paid while you play? Even if this gaming fad is just a speck of his entire being, it occupies half of his everyday life. Though, it's normally not a grown-up job, I don't care. As much as he loves what he does, then there's nothing to discuss about.

Getting back to my point, the only insecurity I have now is the fact that I am not a gamer. Don't get me wrong. I love games. They entertain me. But the harsh fact is I know nothing, as in zip, about anything that concerns MMORPGs (Massive Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game), the what and what not's in the gaming biz. And don't you think it's funny [somehow] to be in love with someone and not know the how-to's in his line of work? Or is it just me?

After three long years, I am now FORCIBLY engaging myself into online gaming, not just to feed the ego of knowing and relating to the man you wish to grow old with. Frankly, I want to share with his joys whenever a new game is being launched, or his whims about the most anticipated games that are yet to be released in the market. I want to be there, when he wins, and more so loses. I want to listen to his stories, that I know I will now be qualified to hear, because I will now be a part of the system he so lovingly embraces.


For the most part, I just want to be welcomed and to feel like I belong in that part of him that I know nothing of. We're never too old to learn something new anyway. ^_^