My Kikay Bestfriend - G

Our story began with a loss, though it’s sad to see it that way. However, I guess the saying was right: You lose someone in exchange for another. It was the aftermath of the loss that made me realize I needed someone to cling to, to hold on. I was left alone, and was boxed in a world of my own, until you came along.

You managed to help me through the pain, and even shared the pain with me. Come hell or high water, you were there to be my friend though you’re not part of my circle; and I felt more than sorry to not have seen that in you from the start. And as my circle started to lose its shape, you remained. You even welcomed me to your world, one that I am very much proud to be part of.

We had gone through our first real-life work together. Though it was not the career I was ideally linked to, I believed a part of me wanted to stay, because in that confined little office space, was you – that someone who knew me better than anyone else, who became my instant confidante and who tells me the what and what not’s in my states of confusion.

You saw me fall out of love, and fall back in love again. You saw me at my worst, and witnessed me stand up and be my best, again.

Amidst the constraints and differences, we remained to be the best of friends. Though we aren’t the type to be so engrossed about everything that happens with each other’s lives, nor do we constantly meet and catch up, I know that I can always crash back to you, if deemed necessary.

It’s so uncool that we don’t have an anniversary to keep count of our years of friendship. But why care about numbers, when what’s important is I have you?

Happy Birthday G! Kudos!

Jenna's Bucket List

I've been dying since I-don't-know-when to have my own Bucket List. If you've watched the movie, starring Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson, you'll know what I mean. However, for the benefit of those who haven't, let's keep it simple and ordinary, and call it the "wish list".

Now, I would like to introduce you to my bucket list (in no particular order). And soon enough, I'll be crossing things I've particularly accomplished in life. After you read mine, how about you share with me your's too? ^_^

1. Visit Greece.
2. Become a full time writer.
3. Own a 2-storey house with an attic.
4. Climb a tree.
5. Ride a bike.
6. Fly a kite.
7. Make Mac and Cheese.
8. Learn the art of making Pizza.
9. Learn a new language.
10. Master the art of using chopsticks.
11. Be vain (once in a while).
12. Get a place on a running race.
13. Learn to belly dance.
14. Lose weight.
15. Curl hairs.
16. Plant a tree.
17. Snorkel.
18. Publish a book.
19. Doodle on the wall.
20. Make a music album.
21. Buy a new acoustic guitar.
22. Meet Mitch Albom.
23. Meet Bob Ong.
24. Meet Dan Brown.
25. See a band concert.
26. Frame a letter.
27. Do cross stitches.
28. Draw a portrait.
29. Win a singing contest.
30. Wear a bikini.
31. Learn to swim.
32. Ski.
33. Learn to para-sail.
34. Bungee jump.
35. Sky-dive.
36. Pet a dog.
37. Pet a cat.
38. Make gelato.
39. Ride a limousine.
40. Take advance guitar lessons.
41. Win a friend back.
42. Visit Corregidor.
43. Visit Bohol.
44. Visit Baguio.
45. See a wax museum.
46. Ride a dolphin.
47. Ride a horse.
48. Learn to drive.
49. Get married.
50. Be a mom.
51. Be a grandmom.
52. Own a web domain.
53. Wear a halloween costume.
54. Go back to school.
55. Own a couple of gadgets.
56. Live independently.
57. Do handicrafts.
58. Swim on a lake/river.
59. Swim on the Dead sea.
60. Be a Blog of Note.
61. Drag EJ to a party.
62. Eat caviar.
63. Get drunk with EJ.
64. Slap a woman.
65. Get slapped.
66. Have my portrait painted.
67. Visit NASA.
68. Spot a constellation.
69. Send a message in a bottle.
70. Ride a camel.
71. Visit Egypt.
72. Be the boss.
73. See the Niagara Falls.
74. Grow a garden.
75. Join a poker tournament.
76. Visit Rome.
77. Play golf.
78. Be a princess.
79. See the Machu-Pichu.
80. Climb a mountain.
81. Surf.
82. Ride a helicopter.
83. Ride a submarine.
84. See the Great Wall of China.
85. Dress like a Geisha.
86. Take an African Safari.
87. Go camping.
88. Join a bowling league.
89. Kayaking.
90. Visit Hawaii.
91. Go on a cruise.
92. Pot making.
93. Invent something of value.
94. Enter the Guinness.
95. Donate blood.
96. Make a docu film.
97. Be a magazine contributor.
98. Visit a castle.
99. Have a farm.
100. Have a library.
101. Bet on a horse race.
102. Learn to motor cross.
103. Live in an igloo.
104. Take a month off.
105. Play Monopoly with friends.
106. Fly a plane.
107. See the Leaning Tower of Pisa.
108. Get jailed (for a day).
109. See the Stone Henge.
110. Dye my hair.
111. Get a henna tattoo.
112. Make a suicide note.
113. Ride a hot-air balloon.
114. Play paintball.
115. Write my life's story.
116. Make a time capsule.
117. Make my own pasta.

118. Name a dish. (Basil Valdez's Tuna Pasta)
119. Go fishing.
120. Live in a tree house.
121. Build a sand castle.
122. Get my fortune told.
123. See a cherry blossom.
124. Google myself.
125. Learn a new dish.

Missing out

I'm the type that wants to be present whenever there's something going on with my friends' lives, whether it be that their hearts got broken, or they got a promotion, they got engaged, or that they're having a baby, that they're in love, or that they want me to meet someone special, they're depressed with work or for any family matter, they're pissed off and just wanted to let it out, or they just wanted to share the spare time over dinner and bottles of liquor. I care not on the occasion, rather, I just love to see them, chat with them, and laugh out.

I hate missing things out. It makes me feel crap about being so workaholic or being so into EJ (which I, by the way, am both). Sometimes, I feel like I can't afford to miss a date with friends, just because they make me feel special in a totally different way.

I guess, I'm just not good at missing.

Ideally Wanting

I want someone to tell me how good I look in the morning, though my hair looks like a wig, and my face full of smudge. I want someone who knows when I'm angry, who can tell what I want to eat, who knows how to woo me when he just feels like it, who can tell that I need a hug or a kiss, who makes funny faces to make me laugh, who sees to it that I'm safe when traveling, who sends me sweet nothings everyday (it doesn't matter how many times), who supports my work, who lends a hand when I'm in need, who makes me want to be better, who believes in me, who goes out of his way just so we could be together, who takes me to dinner, who writes me letters/notes or whatever he may want to call it, who make plans every now and then just to surprise me, who kisses me in front of people and doesn't give a damn about it, who'll get mad at me and still wants to hold my hand even when he's angry, who finds it necessary to check on his phone every once in a while to see if I sent a message or called, who brings out the child in me, who places his palms on my cheeks just so I can be warm, who would respect me not because I want to but because I deserve to be, who makes me pancakes in the morning, who rescues me when I need rescuing, who makes me shine, and most of all who finds it necessary to say I LOVE YOU without me asking for it.

On a High, with Five

My adolescence started with them, my formative years to be exact. I learned the basics, giggled about my crushes, played indoors (and outdoors even), attended parties, developed my hobbies, competed, studied, prayed, laughed, sanged, cried, ate -- with them. I had most, if not all, of the wonderful experiences with them. But like every chapter, ours closed, and off we went to see the world go on proportions.

And here we are, after eleven long years, our chapter re-opened.

I missed them all. I missed how I usually start the day seeing them, and end it by bidding them goodbye. It was a routine, if I may state it that way -- a routine I never thought I'll miss all these years.

We laughed, ate, talked, whacked, and to sum it all up, we made up for the lost time. And yes, it was the time of my life. And alas, I found the missing link.

When I was younger, I thought that when you have a career, and you have someone to love who loves you back, everything's alright. Well, it is. But I happen to neglect the fact that, sometimes, you need friends who you open to, be frank with, play stupid with, and still love you for the person you've become.

Seeing them after such a long time gave me back the joy of having friends -- a bunch of friends. I cannot recall how long has it been since I've gone to a group date with friends. It was always just me and EJ, me and my best friend, never a group. You may well be wondering how someone like me could not have friends to go out with? To tell you frankly, I don't know. I just don't have it.

That's what made last night such a high -- I'm on a high, with us five. ^_^

A glass half full

I had been, for the past twenty years, an optimist when it comes to living and everything that goes with it. The lady in me, scared as ever, still sees a green light where there’s red everywhere. After having to go through a huge emotional suffering two and half years ago, I’m still glad that I have come to the peak of what I can call my purpose-driven life. And yes, the purpose is none other than you.

The year 2006 was the darkest year I ever had. The healing was an agony itself. And you coming into my life was the greatest relief. I admit, yeah, you might say I was insensitive. I was dumb to believe that you were just one person among the crowd. And indeed, I rejected you for the simple reason that you were too packed in your box world, and I was too stubborn to unpack you up.

I was too focused and forgot to notice you, not that you didn’t make an impact, I was just looking at the wrong direction.

Just when it felt like the world was purely empty, you gave me a half full.

Side Note: YES! I am a glass half full. I want to thank the guy who sees the glass as half empty, all because he supplements the fact that I am indeed unwhole – without him; all because he fills it in, with love more than anyone could ever ask for. You saw me as your truth, your happiness. Who would dare ask for more?

My Erick James in disguise

He comes to work with his defenses,

He doesn't mind your own pretenses,

What you get is what you see,

If you can't keep up then let be.

He loves routine and peace and quiet,

He hates when people make noises,

He can be strange to you, but you'll see

He's not as eccentric as he is with me.

He's often late, no sense of time

However i can always call him mine.

the wanna-be-One-Tree-Hill-me

I want to be just like Hailey James Scott. I want to be a teacher, just so I could share what I believe matters; so I could inspire students that someday they will be someone, and that someday is now. I want to be a musician. I want to know the feeling when people route for your songs, when they want to be entertained by you alone. I want to be principled and dear. I want to be married to the man who’ll love me for what I am. I want to have a son who will want to understand my every woe. I want to be as patient and as strong as she is, when all she wanted was a good future for a family she is willing to fight for.

I want to be just like Brooke Davis. I want to have my own clothing line. I want to be confident. I want to help people as she did. I want to adopt a child just because he/she needs me to live. I want to be as objective and positive as she is about her mother, about trust, about friends. I want to have her as my friend, because I know that she can stand by and for me when needed, and vice versa. And all she wanted was to be loved, and trusted. Then, when all the success in the world couldn’t make her happy, she still recovers.

I want to be just like Lucas Scott. I want to publish novels. I want it to be personal, as personal as he did, as noble and as romantic as he did. When all that matters is nothing but love, of how great it is and how unlucky and unredeeming it feels to lose it. When all you want is to profess the love in the heart that wants to love no more; as though it fades in not seeing, in not believing. When everything that you ever want to do is that which scares the hell out of you. When you hide it in exchange for a make-believe. And suddenly, when make-believes become a serious disaster, you end up getting hurt, just like you feared. Then, you caught yourself wanting the same thing you wanted at the first place.

I want to be just like Peyton Sawyer. I want to star a novel. I want to be told about. I want to open my own record label, though I wouldn’t know what to name it. I love to have a car that’s a Comet. I want to have a best friend who will be more than willing to give up a huge business arrangement just for the simple reason that she wants to be my friend. I want to have a place to crash when the whole world feels so unreal and unwelcoming. I want to love as she did Lucas, as she still does. When all she can think of every morning is to get the one man that made her feel more real than anyone else in the world. When all she wanted to do is to win back the love that she lost, and still is losing.

Bee country

I was once a bee who dreamt of becoming a part of the colony. I was so eager that I always make it a point to put a foot forward every time I do my part of the job. And just like any newborn bees, I had a series of downfalls and triumphs. I had the worst first week; I had an average first month; and a good first year.

Surprisingly, after several bee-months of trial, the little bee in me was given the opportunity to become one of the pillars of the colony. I wasn’t just a simple soldier now. I am now part of a bigger picture, and it scared me as much as I was happy about it. Yet, I reminded myself of something I learned from a brother outside the colony, “never let the fear strike you from playing the game.” I gave it a serious thought and I had a recollection of what I envisioned myself to be: a leader, to take responsibility all because I felt that I have something to offer to the colony. I wanted to prove my worth.

Significantly, there came bigger tasks that at some point, it already felt that the world was literally eating the little bee in me alive. I shrank. I had a culture-shock, although I’ve known that the system goes that way. It suddenly felt like I was up to something I wasn’t well-prepared for. I was premature. But, because I believe that the opportunity granted unto me was part of a greater good, I trusted my faith.

After a bee-month of hustles and bustles, I miss being a little soldier bee all because it felt more surreal than anything that I am feeling right now – surreal enough to make me want to stay in that state for as long as I need to be there; just as I need a home to grow

All I want to do is dream...

Being a writer was my long-time dream, and it still is. Yet, how can I want to become one, if I can’t basically make it a living?

I have worked for an online-based research writing company, and I tell you, it wasn’t easy at all. It was a struggle to talk about things that don’t interest you – things that are extremely and awfully boring. I deprived my thoughts their right to shine and be heard, I have kept my inherent commentaries all because I wasn’t allowed to bring a taste of flavor on the manuscripts. However, I did made a couple where I incorporated my own strokes, and hey, nobody reacted violently about it.

Months passed and I felt like it wasn’t my calling. I had a full-time job then, and felt that I was torned between two unseemingly-fulfilling careers so I had to make a choice and start focusing on the one I think would most likely help me to become myself. So I let the writing go. I settled for a job at the office, where you interact with not only computers, but with other human species as well. It was the time of my life, because the people I called human species became my friends. Although I wasn’t fulfilled with the job I was paid for, I stayed there because I felt that the friendships I made meant more than the fulfillment I was looking for within me.

However, it wasn’t long when I felt that it wasn’t what I really want for myself. I don’t want to be stucked, stagnant. I believed there’s more of me that I can offer, thus improve, and it felt like I needed to move on.

Now, I’m working on one of the biggest companies in the newspaper industry, and I am eminently grateful for this once in a lifetime chance. I thought that being here was a super fluke, now, I believe I’m here for a finite reason: I deserve this. Truthfully, I am happy about the job I am currently in, and I feel necessary at the department I work for. The challenges, the erratums, the stress calls. All of these are part of who I am now. Though I may stay here for long, I still want to earn the right experience I need to achieve my long-time dream someday… until someday.

Here's to yesterday

My life isn’t that much of a mystery. I have always been very transparent about how I feel about certain things that people ask me about. I have always been a story-teller, and I find joy in trying to tell the world how I lived and how I continue to do so. It was, somehow, a habit I couldn’t break… until I finally reached the point of no return where I learned that a little mystery won’t hurt me, and that untold secrets about me and my world wouldn’t make a difference at all. And together with the loss of habit, I lost my “so-called” friends.

At first, I felt like we were just giving ourselves some time off from being together for four years. It was something I never asked for, nor wanted (though I was glad that we had the space apart). After a month or two, I thought we’ll then reconcile our friendships and continue to enjoy each other’s company like we always do. However, the odds were great, and suddenly we got too uncomfortable to go back to where we were before. Things just ended up quite obscure this time that we can’t patch it up anymore.

Side note: Changing something for the better doesn’t make one less of a person, nor does it make one less of a friend.

The Monday of all Mondays

I’ve never laughed in so long as much as I had today. It wasn’t because I had all the time in the world to use my new desktop, nor do I enjoyed my Monday DVD marathon. I just happen to have a full 12 hours of quality time. Indeed, it was THE Monday of all Mondays.

I awoke at a seemingly unorthodox morning message telling me to get up as early as 8:43. Nobody ever wakes me up that early especially when I’m on a day-off, so there must be a catch to this. And yes, my instinct didn’t fail me.

Expectant as I was, I rushed through the door, and in a few minutes, there appeared a vision. Suddenly, I had the usual grin, one that I wear on a Sunday. ^_^

Just as my eyes were about to twitch because of it’s lack of rest, there came two arms wide enough to give me a morning squeeze; and lips for kissing.

BLISS.